Health Jargon Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Even I didn't realize it was a disease.'

'It's just a mild hyperinsulism due to islet cell hyperplasia with a touch of hepatic insufficiency and glycogen depletion. In other words watch your diet.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Here comes a client I must speak to. Excuse me while I slip into some jargon."

'And from what we've been able to determine, this is the tweak that broke the paradigm's back.'

"This is what we call a 'customer', or more accurately a 'potential profit centre.'"

"My resume is concise, succinct and eloquently worded. I only hope they know what I'm talking about."

'Instead of cubicles, we call them interconnected productivity centres.'

"I propose the next person who says 'it is what it is,' we beat the living hell out of him."

"I liked it better when you used gobbledygook."

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

"I hear you've got quite a reputation with the girls around the office."

'I told you not to look up your ailments on the internet' - computer screen reads 'You have 3 days to live',

"Our cloud computing services include IaaS, PaaS, SaaS, NaaS, CaaS...and BaaS!"

"Look at this - we're trying to merge with some of our acquisitions, and we're trying to acquire some of our mergers."

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

'If we are to reorientate our forward facing rhetorical platform we must rephrase our message to cross fertilise the core message..holistically!'

"Mr. Thomaston's people are here to talk to your people."

'But it didn't cost anything, dear! I did it all off balance-sheet!'

'It has everything... I love it!'

"Can you believe those guys? We tell them absolutely, positively no further negotiations, and they stop negotiating!"

'I got my foot in the door...at a price!'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

Pollsters

Dan tells me you're an architect. That is so cool! Thanks! Cloud architect, actually.

"The best laid plans of mice and men... differ materially in their objectives."

"...and another thing...stop referring to me as user-friendly"

''Big Society'...paradigm shift blah! Blah! Community spirit, neighbourhood cohesion, blah! Blah! Social inputs, perceptual platforms blah! Blah!'