Health It Professional Prints

NHS computer: Kaput.

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Businesswoman Empowerment

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"My email is down... talk to me."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

The Computer Bore

Online form - Submit.

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

Others will fight for you

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?