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Guns won't help

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

'Well, well, well...'

"Your contents have shifted."

The Three Wise Queens

He was different from the other doctors. For one thing, he refused to play God.

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

Keyworker

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Fighting Covid

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Medical personnel give their hearts

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"I remember when we first met you were an exhausted young doctor! Now you're an exhausted middle-aged doctor!"

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

'Your reflexes are still good!'

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

Booster shots

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Fighting the Pandemic

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Distance to avoid contagion

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'