Health Craze Critics T-Shirts

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

HELLth Food Sprouts

Need a vitaminlike pill, but don't want to risk the side effects? Then try the world's first multivitamin placebo! They don't do any good, but they don't do any harm either.

Single Prayer Health Insurance

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"Enlightenment can only come when you realize there is more to life than gluten free hot sauce."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

Trump rally

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

Dr. Nutrition, would you say our tuna sandwiches could prevent hair loss? Dr. Nutrition. Given how furry you are, I'll take that as a yes. I will tell our customers the great news. I really appreciate your input, Dr. Nutrition. You are a valued scientific authority. The key to a successful scam is maintaining the pretense at all times.

''Free prescription drugs'? — We don't even have doctors!'

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

Rx. Warning: May cause sudden loss of income.

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

'It seems so festive.'

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

'Of course you can have a second opinion. Let's just hope he gets here in time.'