Health-conscious Humor Appreciator T-Shirts

"Bernard had to have a pacemaker"

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

Turn your head and laugh.

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"I'm keeping 'up' distance... there's a reason they are called DROPlets."

"I read that meat can remain undigested in one's intestines for five years...."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'It was at this point that I insisted all employees eat their vegetables.'

New anti-obesity cookbook.

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

"One slice—hold the bread."

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

410 BC: The Roman empire begins its slide into decadence.

"Eat lots of carrots."

'Can you make me taste like broccoli?'

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'I'm afraid your conditions shows no improvement over last time, Mr. Ferguson -- you must still be doing enjoyable things.'

'I'll take #1.'

Actually, I hate the taste of fish, but the oil's just so darn good for you.

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

Formally foods that were good for you.

"Thank God!"

"You forgot my Diet Cola."

"If you drink eight glasses of water every day, you'll due fully hydrated."

'Good Cholesterol Vs. Bad Cholesterol'

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."