Health-conscious Elders T-Shirts

'Promise me you'll see someone about your sleepwalking soon.' (OLD MAN WITH ZIMMER FRAME ON BED)

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Wash your hands

Running

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

Stop smoking,instantly.

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"It's the orthopedist's parts department. Your knees are in."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

"We're very green here, we recycle everything."

"Cautious and considerate? Door on the left, one mask each. Selfish and ignorant? Door on the right, do as you please."

'At least my blood pressure is nice and low.'

'Be patriotic. Food prices are rising. Eat less.'

"Was that the crack of dawn, Arthur, or your back?"

'You fell that there is a thin person inside trying to get out? Sure it's only one?'

"We're seeing a lot of Selfie Face Syndrome lately."

Hazmat suit

'Oh now that is just wrong.'

"Middle age is when you finally get your head together, but your body starts falling apart."