Health-conscious Elders T-Shirts

'Promise me you'll see someone about your sleepwalking soon.' (OLD MAN WITH ZIMMER FRAME ON BED)

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'Look, you're just going to have to cut back. Times have changed. . . Today's kids are full of hydrogenated oils, trans fats, corn syrup, and all kinds of preservatives.'

I have been working so hard I haven't gone to the gym in ages. You've been trying to make ends meet and forgot about the middle!

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Running

Wash your hands

I'm not evolving - I just thought I should lower my salt intake.

"The cape comes off too."

'Pumpkin pie isn't dessert. It's another vegetable.'

"I didn't ask to be made with seventeen grams of fat."

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm not feeling well. I think I've got human flu.'

"She was really disappointed when she found out she was going to an eye doctor and not an iDoctor."

'There is a fancy name for your condition...Let's just call it 86 and counting.'

Stop smoking,instantly.

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

'I havn't finished last years Marathon yet...'

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

"Scientists have found out that drinking alcohol can be dangerous...well, water can be dangerous, too!"

"Spring is in the air but it's December in my ABS."

"So if I need to stop smoking and lose weight..what are you going to do about it?"

"It's the orthopedist's parts department. Your knees are in."

"Sorry sir - our sun screen only goes up to Factor - 100..."

'Test results are back. Coffee, donuts, sleep deprivation. Doc, you've got to start taking better care of yourself.'

"Was that the crack of dawn, Arthur, or your back?"

'Be patriotic. Food prices are rising. Eat less.'

'You fell that there is a thin person inside trying to get out? Sure it's only one?'

"We're very green here, we recycle everything."

"We're seeing a lot of Selfie Face Syndrome lately."

'Oh now that is just wrong.'

'At least my blood pressure is nice and low.'

Hazmat suit

"Middle age is when you finally get your head together, but your body starts falling apart."