Health Comedy Fan Prints

'Dear Diarrhea, Day 84. Well, I'm constipated again today...'

"Mr. Whopple, time to slow down on the veggie diet!"

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'Side effects may include....'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'You've got the worst case of whatever this is, I've ever seen.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

"What> Fitness isn't a destination, it's a way of life."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

Groups of menopausal women in clinic.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"While you were under, I had all your friends come in and sign your heart stent."

'Good lord, Mrs. Frost, how long has he been running a fever?!'

"You have a heart murmur and I'm starting to hear your liver and kidneys complain."

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

"Tell me Mr. Jones. Does it hurt when I do this?"

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

'We can't afford advertising like this! That's one page for the drug and two just for the side effects!'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'Yes doctor, it did hurt when you did that!'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"You're in the "Stone Age." You've got kidney stones, gall stones, and bladder stones."

"Try to eat more coconuts and fish."

'I don't want you to give up eating entirely -- just the food part.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'The doctors ruled out a remarkable recovery. You'll get better, they just don't think it'll be all that remarkable.'

'Give Mr. Fogarty his testosterone injection, Nurse, and then run like the dickens!'

"The good news is that your appendectomy op was a complete success"

'Yes, it is a carrot. You haven't been getting enough fibre.'