Health Benefit Hunters Pillows

“There once was a woman who lived in a can of prebiotic soda… & only then did she consume enough to reap the health benefits claimed on the label.”

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

The Evolution of the Bonus

'I highly recommend this painting if you're interested in art as an investment.'

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

'He taught me the importance of taking a walk each day.'

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

Exercise Bars

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'We need a product line that will stimulate our profit line.'

"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."

"And here is where we started putting profits before people."

Stopping smoking at work had given Tim the energy to explore his creativity ... 'And I like to call this my dance of the fourth quarters 'profit and loss' account.'

"I said remember those extra years we added to our lives by good clean livin'?"

'The good news is that we're making huge profits - the bad news is that we won't be getting a bailout.'

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'Harrison, going against your better judgement has made us a lot of money...'

'I know what we need to turn this around, a mindless product that will make money fly out of peoples pocketbooks!'

'Profit in the garbage.'

'Remember Nitro, keep the engine running and once we've bagged the bonus cheques you floor the peddle.'

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

'I chose here since heaven won't allow you to take your bonus and golden parachute with you.'

"Is it too late for me to stop poo pooing his expansion plan?"

'We care because we haven't made enough money not to.'

'Does the gym have a motorized version of this cycle?'

Business of Finger-pointing

'Health Benefits of a Vegan Diet... How the heck did this get here?'

"Go out and play. You can't just sit there watching wall all day."

'I'm going to suggest increasing your level of activity.'

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

'In our press release, stress that our strategic focus will be on solving society's problems. This is code for making a bundle of money.'

Fat happy businessman with a euro coin printed on his chest

'I only buy art that I can understand.'

'Remember, the best things in life are free. Our job is to acquire them and sell them back to the public.'