Head Coach Pillows

"Miss Chapman, can you please call the pitchers and catchers and have them report to spring training?"

'The team is so good that management will auction the head coach's job to the top bidder!

'I'm the sign writer. Got a full-time contract here.'

Head Coach Interviews

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Reach for the Star.

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

Go team!

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Punt Cake

'Another football scholarship offer?'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

The trauma of losing.

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

Time Is Money

Go! Means NOW!

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."