Assistant Coach Pillows

'This is Role Model Man. He is our new assistant coach in charge of projecting a positive image to impressionable young minds.'

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Just be yourself."

I like the Jets...I guess

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

Reach for the Star.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

Go team!

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"I AM at my usual position."

The trauma of losing.

Time Is Money

Go! Means NOW!

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

Punt Cake

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."