Hardware Hobbyist Pillows

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

Frankenstein D.I.Y.

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'You're using 14' nails on a 2' door? This is definitely a case where bigger is not better.'

'Computers' 'Hardware' 'Software'

'As a kid I was always taking things apart...so, anyway, that's when my parents stopped getting me pets.'

"OK, now I want everybody to put their hands together and make something with tools!"

Silver Sufferer - husband looking at steam trains on the internet, wife bored in background

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

Female nail has been hammered in. Says to male nail: 'Sorry, I have a headache.'

"I will place this broken phone charger in the 'man' drawer. Where in six months time, it will magically fix itself."

'I'd like you to meet the saw, the hammer and, well, you know the drill.'

"Son, you're old enough now to whittle your own condom."

Ironmongers

"You've got to compress it because my email account is limited to 3MB."

"You fix it by buying a new one."

Power and the Glory tools

Sourdough starter. Mask-making supplies. Everything else

'Mary finally solved the blinking clock problem by putting black tape over it.'

A man's whole body is twisted after using a power drill.

"Are. You. Ready. To. Weeeeave?"

"This is where DIY projects go to die."

To continue with tech support, you must be in front of your computer and have a soldering iron, a voltmeter and a circuit tester available.

Say it with Flowers. Say it with power tools.

'This 3D TV you sold me doesn't work.'

Have you got any nails? I'm on a diet.

"Why, he's not violent at all, his bolt is too tight."

"I've installed a new internal hard drive. Damn machine's still not working!"

Back to School Specials!

'It's going to be all right, sir. Just slow down and tell me how long you've been lost.'

"It's always nice to meet other alumni from Screw U!"