Hansel And Gretel Reteller T-Shirts

Producer, Director and Novelizer.

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

"Eat my dust!"

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

Fairy tales reimagined for the 21st century. Jack and the Beanstalk

'Let him go. We'll catch him in the backstretch. Hippos can run faster than humans, but only in short bursts.'

"The true story"

"This isn't how the story went at all."

This wasn't quite the fairytale ending Colin had anticipated.

"Measuring dulls my creativity."

"The building code says we can use structural steel and poured concrete, and we can go 40 stories high - it doesn't say we have to!"

"This giant, Jack, did he touch you in any way?"

'I don't care if I have been here for a hundred years! What kind of pervert kisses a girl while she's sleeping?!'

Regendering Christmas

'Could you please hurry, Teller, I need to make a deposit, and quickly.'

"Stop that Moses, it's bath time."

"Of course it's not my son. My son is a nitwit. That's me, thirty years ago."

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll And Mister Softee

"I don’t know why it’s a story about three little pigs – it just is."

'Someone's been sitting in my cubicle!' 'Someone's been eating in my cubicle!' 'Someone's been sleeping in my cubicle!'

'I'm afraid we worked it to death, sir.'

"And ten she said what big ears I'd got. You don't think I've got big ears do you Brian?"

The end is near.

'... and we'll just follow the bread crumbs out of the forest, and... oh jeez, I'm an idiot.'

'I told you not to trumpet so hard.'

'Um, guitar. What kind of hero were you looking for?'

Adam & Eve get a reality show.

'Hansel and Gretel did not have GPS on their mobiles, so they had to leave breadcrumbs to find their way back home.'

Desk Organizers: Too Hot, Too Cold and Just Right.

'It's my free-will, mother, and I'll surrender it to whomever I please.'