Handling Inheritance Mugs

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'Fair enough, he left everything in his will to the cat, but does she have to rub our faces in it?'

"That completes the reading of her will. She also left an S.O.P. for how to live with you, should you ever remarry."

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"I made money the old fashioned way. I inherited it."

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. ... Actually, you know what? You can have it now."

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"One day son, all this will be run by robots."

'That's true son..Money can't buy happiness. But it makes being unhappy a little easier to live with.'

"And to my son Frank, I leave my greenhouse in the country."

"Someday this will all be yours...assuming that someday you'll have enough to buy it from me."

“Son, that… ‘some this will all be yours’… is now!”

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

Contest of wills.

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'Someday, son, when I've gone to that big roundup in the sky all this will be yours.'

"Someday, son, all this will be yours. It'll be under water, but still ..."

"Some day, son, all this will be yours. Sorry."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"All this is mine now! I had my lawyers declare you incompetent!"

"Bentley, I don't care if you are my heir apparent. Stop peeking in here fifty times a day!"

"Someday, my dimwitted son, all this will belong to your sister."