Gut-instinct Enthusiast Pillows

'You have written an interesting book about investing. Did I read it correctly that your best advice is to listen to your gut?'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

The Smell of Fear

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

Of all the gin joints in the world, you are here.

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

'I'm very sorry, sir. Even for stressed out bankers, whiskey and gin aren't tax-deductible expenses.'

Henry's music career was ruined when a frog jumped into a glass of gin, and then jumped into his tuba where it is now permanently lodged.

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

Positive Thinking

"If you eat gluten, we have a ton of it in the back."

"There's our cure for the munchies! Gluten, we love your pizza!!" "You're our hero, gluten."

Sales Dept. is Out to Hunch

'How do we know he's gluten-free?'

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

London Gin Company Limited - By Appointment to Queen Mother

All our meals digest easily forming a soft, mushy stool with just a hint of acridity.

"I can write beautiful poems, but they all rhyme with gin."

'What's your favourite meal?' 'Seconds.'

Gin & Tonic.

Napoleon Blownafart

Couple in restaurant, "Sorry it's slow, Chef's got the runs"

Scariest Tactics

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

Capturing a Cook

-"For instance, this gin and tonic does not have a single molecule of gin in it!" -"It's from the staff canteen, right!"

'How much gin will I need for three medium size lemons?'

'She's a little upset. Apparently, when the cosmetic surgeon asked her what kind of chin she'd like, she thought he said gin and asked for a double.'

"He's very proud of his stomach's 'good bacteria'."

"The gluten's back. And it's pissed."

Aviation cocktail

'Give me something long and cold and half full of gin. How's the wife?'