Guilt-free Grazer T-Shirts

There's no reason to feel guilty - You're not the only vegetarian to get swine flu.

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

Chocs away.

Environmental Conscience

'This exotic dessert I make is guilt-free. I already burned all the calories running around finding the ingredients!'

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

'Lord, we thank thee for the bounty we're about to receive.'

Angel's Food cake vs Devil's food cake.

"Let me guess...you forgot to put their hand-brakes on!"

'Oof.'

"He had help. There were architecture specialists, costume specialists, angel specialists..."

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

"Ambitions... to eat, drink and be merry."

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Humane Mouse Trap "It doesn't kill them,. It just makes them feel really guilty about inconveniencing you."

Meat Department

The four major food groups.

"I switched hobbies from tropical fish to gardening. I won't feel so bad if I kill a plant."

"No, thank you. I'd prefer seeing a menu from the restaurant across the street."

'If you feel guilty, I can put our high fat vanilla ice cream in one of our low fat cups.'

'You can see the artist has tried to capture man's aspirations, using a minimalist language.'

'I may not know much about art but I know what I like to slag off.'

"Sure, organic free-range poultry is more expensive, but consider all the guilt you're saving."

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

Sorry Jerry, you've gone all muffly. Have you been shat on again?

'It means that when you order the cheesecake, the guilt comes free.'

Is there life after digestion?

In The Olive Garden, we harvest bread sticks year round.

"Actually, you're in excellent health. The only thing I recommend is that you cut back on carbs...and that means cutting back on your favorite dishes."

Weight Loss Cheat.

Newspaper headlines before and after Christmas.

'My human puts two scoops of chaff, one scoop of nuts, 1/4 scoop of feed balancer, a scoop of garlic, herbs, salt, mood calmer, electrolytes and more into my feed every day. But you just can't beat this stuff!'