Guest Pillows

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'I don't think they are playing with a full deck.'

"Have some more tea, Mrs. Van Sickleford. Wendell is going to show you his mastodon tusk."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

'Chuck, you shouldn't have! We haven't gotten around to dumping out the last bottle of homemade wine you brought us.'

'What do you mean you 'don't like curry'?!!'

'These are for Ken's homemade Chenin Blance. Trust me, you'll need them.'

'Oognik! -- If I'd known you were coming, I'd have harpooned a whale!'

After three weeks, Misery realizes it doesn't love company much at all.

'Now here's a place I like!'

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'If your name's not on the Liszt, you're not coming in.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

St Peter: 'The bike can stay. You, on the other hand, aren't on the list.'

"Here’s the thermostat. Like all hotel thermostats, it’s just for show."

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

'Brew?'

"So what's your success rate?"

'That explains why I have so much trouble parallel parking.'

"Wow, I can't believe it's already time for you guys to pick up on social cues that we'd like you to leave."

'Oh I can't stay here, i'm allergic to shell fish.'

'I'm getting really tired of your friend crashing here every night!'

'Surprise!'

"Your college student, home for the holidays, waits until dinner to announce that he is now a vegan. . ."

'Joan of Arc is visiting - make sure all the toilet seats are down.

'Thank you for that kind introduction, Ed, but frankly, I would've liked a little further ado.'

'Roger hates goodbyes.'

'Keep carving, there are still a few identifiable parts.'

Guest Houses.

'Thank you for folding up the sleeper sofa, Dear. Have you seen Mother?'

A surprise visit

"You should have been more specific when you booked a room with a sea view."

"Please welcome Doctor Simpkins, author of 'Good Posture: The Key to Power and Wealth."