Guardian Of The Pack Pillows

'It's for the neighborhood dogs.'

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"He likes it."

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

Welcome to the Team

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"Good evening, Susan. We've decided it's time you get your own bed."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"Next time make up your mind and just pick one!"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

'We'll have him back on his feet and under yours in no time!'

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."