Grumpy Storyteller T-Shirts

"He died at the end. There. I've spoiled every story every written."

'The problem with politics is politicians!'

"To be perfectly honest, Tarquin, I get fed up listening to your stories about 'the good old days'."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

"I do wish Henry could run into someone from the dress business to talk to."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

Grumpy old merry men.

Old Man Journal

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

"Don't worry, he's improving. We'll have him up and cursing the government again."

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"Oh my God with the singing!"

'Life is like a box of chocolate laxatives!' - Forest Grump

'I swear I didn't know you'd heard that joke before...'

Grumpy Old Men

'I know how you feel.'

"I want some flowers that say 'Here, have some friggin' flowers.'"

"Actually, lactose is the only thing Herb isn't intolerant of."

'Self-help books for cynics'

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

'Kids get right up my nose!'

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"He might be moody, but he's the best in the city...and worth every penny!"

I brought your coffee and a list of new things about the world you're going to have to learn to accept

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

"Oh, my arthurs a breeder too, contempt mainly!"

"Stop moaning - you'll ruin our weekend away..."

'FQ...?'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're getting grumpier.'

Grumpy old men: I was an nwanted child, even my mother left me before I was born.