Growth Spurts Fan Pillows

"We used to keep in in a hamster cage. But then he went through a growth spurt."

'Make sure you pretend to water it.'

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

"If you could just get rid of the split ends, that will be fine."

Raptures

Apparently all our farts damage the ozone layer....

"It's a scientific breakthrough! This seed will produce less corn...thus driving up the price!"

As soon as he began speaking Manuel's Spanish accent was unmistakeable and he was evicted from the Local food group.

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

She kept Dracula at bay with an episode of the Archers.

"I called you my little succulent because you're low maintenance."

"Dear, will you sprint down to the store and get a box of wheat germ and a pint of yoghurt?"

'Water cooler's really busy this time of day,'

"One of your delicious ducks got into my yard yesterday."

"I was just like you, then I hired a life coach. Now look at me!"

'It's probably not a good sign to be listed in the organization chart underneath the office plants.'

'Today's unwilling nude model is Ralph.'

The American Farmer: a vanishing breed.

'These were developed in the 1980s - they're a heritage genetically modified variety.'

Ecological electricity

'Of course I've grown! What am I? An elf?!'

Combined Harvester

'Danny has a magnetic personality...that's why he's always hanging on the refrigerator door.'

Septic Fields Forever.

"He's grown a whole foot since the last time you saw him."

"I'm thinking something in a cheddar."

"Boy needs bigger tire."

Genetically modify your own sweetcorn.

'Coniferous Rhinoceros.'

Ideas that failed: E-Milk.com, Electronic Dairy Farming.

"Sure you think Farmer Brown is okay, but you don't have to put with his cold hands every morning!"

"When I was your age, I was already carrying several deadly diseases!"