Groom Prints

Tradition v. Reality: 'My client agrees to 'love', but needs clarification on 'honor', and 'obey' is a deal-breaker...'

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

The reception was held outdoors, next to an ATM, for the convenience of any guest who forgot to bring a gift.

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

"Whew! At last, I can eat!"

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

'And when she says jump, do you promise to ask how high?'

"Your best man hasn't shown up either. Probably just a coincidence."

'Bob will be along shortly to marry you. He's looking over a mint-condition, 1965 Mustang that just went on sale.'

"If anyone thinks the bride could do better, speak now or..."

'Okay, so you were right; maybe figuring 13 bottles of wine per person was a little too much.'

'He Will!'

'Well yes, I suppose it is a multiple-choice question'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'It will never last...!'

It Starts: "That's what you're wearing?"

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

"Do you, Joan, promise to love, cherish and make sure Josh takes his cholesterol lowering medication each day?"

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

Bride, Groom, and Mother in Law.

"Now, according to this agreement, his problems will be your problems, and your problems will be your problems."

'It was her father's last wish. He said I could marry her over his dead body.'

"I do, and so does he."

'I know that right now I don't have too much to offer to your daughter, but I promise you that in a few million years my fossilized remains will cost more than one hundred dollars a barrel.'

Wedding Selfie

'And do you, James, believe you deserved that beating Annie gave you for inviting your ex-girlfriend to the wedding.'

"Actually, it's customary to say 'I do' to the groom, rather than text it."

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

"Yes I had a fling with her best friend - but it's not a suitable topic for your best man's speech!"

'But we can't go to Australia for our honeymoon, you know how my Mother hates flying!'

"What's your dad waiting for-a receipt?"

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

'I do - allowing for a 50 margin of error...'

"Alright, I'll marry you, but if it ever goes flacid, I'm off."