Grocery Store Veteran Pillows

'You're paying by check? That will be $8 dollars for the groceries and $15 dollars for the credit report.'

Bad for you but to die for

Twenty-first century baby walker

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Organic Produce: No Pesticides, Herbicides or Bad Vibes.

Important Food Groups

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

Artificial Isle

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

Apples...37 Spinach...43 Peaches...51

"Sir, surely it's irresponsible to be throwing away so much edible food?"

A shop is called 'Garnishes: Top Meals in Tough Times'.

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"No one can afford to eat us anymore."

After her laser surgery, Alice was able to read barcodes without an optical scanner.

"I think the milk's off!"

'These fruits and vegetables are very colorful, large, free of blemishes, pulpy and tasteless.'

'I lost the grocery list you gave me. So I brought home a few weeks supply of pizza.'

Formally foods that were good for you.

'You'll like this. It has no nutritional value at all.'

"Into every shopping cart a little mysterious Mediterranean product must fall."

'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'

How M2M really works.

Our grocery carts are genetically modified.

"Junior just kept saying 'add to cart...add to cart...'."

"Do you have these apples in green?"

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"