Grocery Store Goer T-Shirts

'Hey, thanks for comin' out tonight. All these songs are from our new album, which was inspired by a recent trip to the grocery store...'

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Important Food Groups

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Dad Trophies

"Wait, what are you doing?"

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Everything's gone up."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Witches Checkout.

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Unusual Offers

'Diet considerations.'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"They have oat fiber, wheat fiber, and rice fiber, but no moral fiber."

'I've got it written down...'