Grocery Guide Pillows

Health food and junk food

Complicated traffic lights - 'Oh No! They've adopted the Tesco's food labelling system.'

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

Important Food Groups

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Lioness Shops for Snacks.

Dad Trophies

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"Everything's gone up."

Only One Item or Fewer.

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Oh my god -- I can't believe it's real butter!"

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

Unusual Offers

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Witches Checkout.