Grinch Humorist Gifts

Human Cull: People who send Christmas news letters that detail all their health problems in the last year.

Christmas: "Let's open some more next week."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

First we thought the apes would conquer the world...When in reality we've been busy mining the end of the world all along.

'I hate all holidays!'

"This city is becoming unlivable."

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"I'll cross any ocean to fight for our country! I'll travel to the gates of hell to defend our rights!"

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'It's a bloody-cross-breed.'

"...And since the cure is worse than the disease, we can make more money by developing a cure for that!"

"Half full, or half empty? Do you want a positive spin, or a negative spin?"

"...They must be poor catchers, there's two men behind the plate."

Meeting at the Grumpy Old Men's Pub.

"We hope it's just a bug with our new Quantum mainframe."

You'll understand after you see him pitch.

You're a man of the world, Mort. You've seen things in your time, haven't you? I've seen things that would curl your toes. I've seen dust as tall as mountains sweep across the plains. I've seen a swami mystic turn a dying beggar into a soaring dove on the banks of the Ganges. I've seen Republicans and Democrats work together to pass legislation that moved America forward. You had me until you got to that fairy tale. I've seen a time when houses cost just twice your annual income.

'I've turned another corner in my life.' 'One more corner and you'll be back where you started.'

'He's determined not to enjoy himself this Christmas.'

"But is it art ?"

"Code blue! Code blue! His heart's grown three times it's size!"

Oink.

'He looks great in the field, but can he bat?'

This plaque commemorates the trees that was cut down to make space for this bench.

"Ah, damn. Now I'll be triggered all morning."

"It looks like they're getting tougher, honey."

'Instead of the usual boring campaign speech, folks, I'm going to make some balloon animals!'

"If you're going out, pick up some candles."

Shows Bundt

Expansion 2000: The Baton Rouge Ball Boys

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'I'm the same as you - too sick to go into work, but well enough to go shopping!'

"If we want to get across our warnings about the dire consequences of not saving for a future then we need powerful dramatic message!"