Grant Writing Warrior Pillows

"Our research is solidified, but our funding has vaporized."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Molecular Biology and Cosmology buildings

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

'And finally, there is the universal solution.'

"I'm in nonprofit work for the money."

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'You're on the shortlist. It's between you and the bloke who's going to get the job.'

'Since we all have to believe in something, I thought, 'Why not money?''

Shakespeare working on his "author's bio"

'Can you debunk my essay?'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

Stupid ideas rewritten to sound like brilliant concepts.

"Well, we got the grant."

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

Examiners.

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

"All those years of dodging taxes and chasing investment yield have kept me in top shape, right?"

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"I've accepted that I'm getting richer."