Grandfather T-Shirts

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

"Two Stones tickets, please, senior discount."

"Son, your mother and I, Grandpa Jack, Grandma Kate, Uncle Danny, Aunt Sue, Grandpa Sy, Grandma Jenny, Cousin Rhonda, Tugger, and Sprinkles are gay."

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

Phil uses all seven tiles in Scrabble and ascends to heaven

'Grandpa is showing us how they sent a text when he was a kid.'

'I love these senior citizen discounts.'

PSA Banter.

"There are some words I will not tolerate in this house-and 'awesome' is one of them."

'Oh, don't mind Grandpa - he's just having an acid flashback.'

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

Geezer crossing.

Man's dentures hold cigar.

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

'Dad, good luck fly fishing.'

"Congratulations, sir, you've outlived the lot of them!"

'Our names aren't here so let's go for a drink!'

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

"This time, when the swinging sixties come around, I'm not going to miss them."

'Grandpa, what was the biggest upgrade you saw when you went to school?'

Comparison list of old age and youth.

'I can explain the Theory of Relativity, but I can't figure out which is the best Medicare Plan.'

Next, I remember looking down at my body, and my kids fighting over the will.

'Don't talk to me about joint-pain...'

"Sure, I had a retirement plan. Stop going to work"

'I want a refund. They only shuffle.'

'Weird... look Dad! Someone printed out a bunch of tweets, and then they added exrta characters to all the words...' 'Or as I call it, a book!'

I remember the face but I've forgotten your name.

On your 80th birthday.

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

'Retirement Training Program'"Very good, Larry! Just one more step and you'll have the entire aisle blocked!"

'It's not forgetting things completely that bothers me - it's remembering that I've forgotten to remember something that drives me mad!'

Nancy Drew Mysteries - The Later Years

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?