Graduates Transitioning Into Reality Pillows

'A warm welcome to graduating students, distinguished faculty and impoverished parents...'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

"I'm going to talk about the summer before last, it was much more fun."

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

'I wasted a lot of time in graduate school to get this job.'

"Before you grade my test, keep in mind, my dream is to become a wealthy doctor, just like my available father"

Day one, post grad

"Well, I'm just saying, buying me a cheap used car for graduation is not going to teach me responsibility."

Good Luck with your finals.

'The trick is to make it look as easy as possible while, underneath, you're paddling like hell.'

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Believing that clothes make the man, Dave goes for the 'smart guy' look.

"Millstone is not yet a full professor."

'Unfortunately our definition of 'job' differs.'

"That's the problem today. Everyone expects the same old standardized answers."

Graduate

'An MBA from Harvard is quite impressive. But you'll still have to start off at the bottom here. You start serving coffee in the cafeteria on Monday.'

Pre-graduate and post-graduate student.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack -- Career Duck

'I'd like to change my major from electrical engineering to English or something.'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

Graduate Job Openings

Fresh out of school, new hire Justin Huffenberger is temporarily stunned and disoriented by the light at the end of the university tunnel.

'Regarding the salary we're willing to offer you.. don't expect to get your four-years of college tuition back in one year.'

Higher education.

'Nice resume but graduating 'summa cum student loan' isn't really something to brag about.'

Grabbed By Gorilla

'I'm not trying to prove I graduated. This was just my last clean outfit.'

'You should be ashamed of yourself.'

Big Student Loan Debt And Nobody Will Hire Me Because I'm Overqualified.

"These are the people I hate dealing with...buried in debt unsure about their futures, no hopes or prospects."

'Congratulations! This year we're saving money by letting all our graduates download their diplomas from our website.'

Hope for Jobless College Grads