Government Report Collector T-Shirts

"That was terrible. Deeply flawed. Full of crap. Now read it to me again."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

"These fourth grade marks are confusing...I got a B on the assignment, so is that like a smiley face or a star?"

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

'Well, so my grades are A,B,C,D... at least I'm learning my alphabet.'

"Getting good grades isn't enough, son. You also need to bring in new clients."

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

"Yes, you did close some of your tabs. However, you still have 1,894 open. You're a tab hoarder."

"Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing!"

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

"Brrr - it was so cold today I had my hands in my own pockets instead of someone elses!"

First and last day as census taker...

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

irs, 'You were wrong -- they WEREN'T more afraid of me than I was of them.'

A Tax Auditor Prescribes Treatment For A Doctor's Condition

'I didn't do well in geography. I guess you had to be there.'

"There's the man who ripped my Rolex off my wrist!"

'I'm the smartest one in the bottom group.'

Constitution of the United States (First Draft)

"Oh, no. Death AND taxes."

'I got an 'A' in abstinence.'

'This is what I call the ultimate in money laundering.'

"It's about all the treasure laid up here."

Woman to dog: 'This is you, Rex! Now start acting like you're registered!'