Gourmet With Peculiar Tastes Pillows

"Hmmmm...What am I in the mood for?"

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

Join me for dinner?

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"This meal tastes just like dog crap!"

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

Ice Cream Flavors

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

"Stilton's the king, Camembert and chèvre are landed gentry, and cheddars are the serfs, you know."

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

"How nice. A truffle."

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'