Gourmet Sampler Pillows

"Do you have 'Cheese and Pickle...?'"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

Sauce for the Goose

The Main Types of Cheese

"Is the MSG local?"

To do before Saturday...

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Cheese

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Holiday Supplies

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Is this still America?'

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."