Gourmet Sampler Pillows

"Do you have 'Cheese and Pickle...?'"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

La Table

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Is the MSG local?"

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

To do before Saturday...

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

The Main Types of Cheese

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Sauce for the Goose

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Holiday Supplies

'What wine goes with comfort foods?'

"Bob takes everything with a grain of salt...and pepper...and garlic..."

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Is this still America?'