Gourmet Poster Pillows

"No. I don't want to eat it. Just post it on social media."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

LAY ZEE FUK

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

His Her Cakes

To do before Saturday...

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'Is this still America?'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

Cheese

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Holiday Supplies

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"The bagels are better in New York."