Gourmet Gastronomer Pillows

'Snob, he won't eat domestic slugs, just imports.'

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Cookbooks

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"