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Tennis talking over the net.

18 Days Since the Last Embarrassing Off-Field Incident.

Two gossiping women talk about someone behind her back.

'Nine moons!? How on earth does she keep her figure?'

'Henry would dearly love a conservatory!'

Chattering Class Party

'The invitation clearly said smart casual...'

'A moral dilemma? Tell me more, more. I adore more.'

'Looks like Helen had some work done.'

News Celeb Divorce: Long-suffering wife tells us of abusive husband, In tomorrow's news - dignified husband tells us of vile grabbing wife.

Priest says to man in confessional: 'Blah-de-blah ... come on, get to the good stuff!'

"If you have nothing good to say about someone. Come for tea and tell me all about them."

"Of course she looks great. Ever check out the preservatives on her ingredients list?"

"I can't see it lasting!"

'Yo, dude, this is my bitch.'

"Reverend John Ship performed the nuptials. Attorney Thomas Sims performed the prenuptials."

"D'ya wanna hear a secret? Well, keep it under your wrappings. . ."

"Harold's a nice amuse-bouche between courses."

"And she's had her tentacles waxed."

The Royal Corgi speaks...

Gee Willikers!!

Blah-blah black sheep, three old bags full.

"The word on the playground is Humpty Dumpty was pushed!"

Real House Flies of Orange County

'Wow, we need to sign a non-disclosure agreement to attend the office Christmas party this year!'

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

He Dumped Me Cos My Bum Isn't Big Enough.

'I hear she's uneasy.'

Self Magazine,

'Don't say anything, but I've heard she's a mail-order bride.'

Geri and the Paparazzi.

'There's a nasty rumour going round that one of us is not a bride of Christ.'

Wow Madonna, that's what I call a yoga move.

'I wouldn't say we're involved. It's more like entangled.'

What you're missing on TV, while you're at work.