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'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

'The fun begins when we go through airport security.'

"When it comes to fixing his own computer, I call it his PDDIY project. That stands for please DON'T do it yourself."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

"Forget it – we're not buying some expensive sex robot for it to end up unused in the garage with the massaging armchair and the rowing machine."

Welcome back students.

Planet Of The Apps.

Car robbers foiled by mousetraps surrounding a car.

Better Living Through Technology

"I am fully functional again!"

End of world nigh!!!

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

'Today's sermon may seem a little incoherent -- my 'Preach-o-Mat' program crashed.'

"Please select hymn number 637 on your i-pods."

"I have sent you all an e-mail of today's text if you wish to follow along."

"Go and spread the Gospel. Hide it in colorful, little eggs for the world to find and be delighted by."

"Excuse me, but will you be long?"

'What do you mean 'IamThePope.com' is already taken?!? By who!?!'

'You called for tech support?'

'Pacifiers away please, I'd like to start the meeting,' says the chairman.

The pastor forgot to remove his wireless mic before entering the baptismal."

Technology continues to improve communication.

"Are our prayers answered whether we have an iphone or an android?"

There goes my climbing tree stand climbing stand climbing without me again.

'Charging station.'

The bluebird is obsolete --- I'm the drone of happiness!

'I can update you to digital, but first I'll have to update you to analogue...'

'Everyone turn to psalm 23 on his or her e-reader.'

The Vatican goes electronic.

"He does the whole lightning-bolt-thing on line now."

"Cool social network profile, man! You love to hang around doing nothing, eh?"

'You reached me at a bad time. My voice mail is being repaired so I wasn't able to screen my calls.'

"Dear Lord Elon, thank you for our daily tweet."

'If you want your husband to help out more, buy this one.'

"Ok - now press, 'saved'."