Golden Oldies Enthusiast Pillows

Another Programme Reminding You How Much Better Music Used To Be.

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

Diego Velasquez

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

'It's like listening to the 1950s. You can hear the dentures whistling.'

"I'm so old I can't remember who's the smart one and who's the pretty one."

Mick Jagger at 95.

Life begins at 60

"Why is there a picture of an old man in the bathroom?"

"Let's shake them up and do our version of 'Blowin' in the Wind'."

Oldies Band.

Workers constructing barcodes

"Sorry, I double-booked. This wouldn't happen if I had a computer - but they insist we do everything by hand."

"I can see by the sudden appearance of little dishes of hard candy in every room, Veronica, that we have finally entered our golden years."

'Mom calls this a diary where you write private thoughts no one else can see. What fun is that?'

Church in the year 2035.

'The sixties? Well, you don't sleep as well, can't read anything closer than three feet away and your short-term memory's shot.'

'I throw a strike every time with this ball, but I can only lift it once a night.'

"I gotta stop, Ralph. . . one of my balls fell off!"

Excess Baggage: Before you laugh at those senior citizen travel groups, just try and keep up with them.

'This is so old-school.'

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary - Digitally Mixed - Any drink stirred without the use of a spoon, swizzle stick or any other tool/utensil.

"Like Bob Dylan said, 'You don't know what you've got til it's gone."

'Me and your Grandad have been married for sixty years. But he still whispers sweet nothings into my hearing aid.'

"Yes, it's a golden age-or would be, if we weren't all swarming with lice."

"I was into revolutions. That's one of my 45s and here's a 33 and a 1/3."

"I'm liver spot spice."

Gregory Pecks

Rock'n Rolodex

"You can keep your fancy cell phone. As for me, I'll avoid all that extra effort and do things the old-fashioned way."