Golden Hello Guru Mugs

'When people started offering 'Golden Hellos' they didn't realise what a disaster it would be for the business.'

Cat Reunion

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Thank you bubbles

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"Why... do goldfish have such a short memory span? We don't – there isn't anything to remember if all you do is swim around in circles all day long."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Greeting card section: 'thank you' and 'you're welcome'.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Sculptor's chippings

'Of course we're a global corporation. We have mail drops throughout the world.'

"You idiot! I said, 'Buy more gold', not mold!!"

"I look forward to growing dead with you."

"The guy's a natural!"

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"By the way… If no one has mentioned this before, we think you're swell."

"In this company, Simmons, we hold our hands steady in the middle and shake our bodies."

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

'I'm good. How are you?'

"Can I just leave a small tip?"

'Today could well be the day...the day on which the world leaders turn to me to solve their problems...they might just leave it till tomorrow.'

"Take the goldfish. If it's still alive in six months, call us for another interview."

"It's an adjustment being a handshake guy in a fist-bump company."

"I told you my lucky pennies would work."

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

Honey badger do care.

Give Thanks.

Bad times for retirees.

Ballerina and the light switch.

Every Day is a Gift

'Don't worry, he always feigns death when it comes to tipping.'

I know 'enjoy the day' is the latest trendy, trite pleasantry, but in this store, we stick with the classic, 'Have a nice day'.

"First the porridge is too hot, then too cold... you're getting a lousy tip."