Going On A Cruise Gifts

"Is everything O.K., sir? We noticed that you aren't constantly eating."

'Sorry about that, Miss Delsey. I guess the boat wasn't sinking after all.'

'Going anywhere nice?'

"Mmm, my favourite! Eggs over easy, lightly poached salmon with a wild mushroom sauce."

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those of humongous new cruise ships.

'See you in two weeks!'

Bad sea-legs

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

"Genius! Backyard activity on a cruise ship."

"I don't use GPS to track the cruise. I use it to find my room."

Bon Voyage

"So THAT is why you don't sit and flush!"

Like lemmings to the sea.

"You are the only one on the ship's lifeboat drill with it on back-to-front, front-to-back and upside-down!"

"Well, we've learned that passengers will mutiny if they are served meatloaf two days in a row... Even if you do call it the South Sea Surprise on the second day!"

'Isn't this sea air so refreshing, Harold?'

An Eyeliner.

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Look dear, there's no way you'd fit, er, get tossed through that porthole even WITHOUT your lifebelt on!'

'You mean you don't have a bowling alley on board? And you call yourself a cruise ship?'

"I thought this one for the captain's table, and this one for when we get shipwrecked."

Excess Baggage: Take lots of photos on your cruise so you can show folks what you looked like before you gained those 20 pounds.

Isn't this cruise fantastic, Frank? We're soaking up all this sun! We're getting a lot of exercise! Ohh! Here's comes the snack cart! And we're in sync with our new friends! Gruel.

S. S. All You Can Eat

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Hold on, I'll get the camera.'

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

Mr. Punch in Venice

Upper class child with toy cruise ship.

"Tell them we only have romaine!"

'Luxury cruise you said!'

'Great cruise. When does the buffet open?'

Noah's Ark/Single's Cruise

Excess Baggage: When you are on a cruise and they say the ship leaves at 5:30, they really mean the ship leaves at 5:30.