Goalpost Dreamer Gifts

What are the chances?

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

Football Fans

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

"College basketball recruiters are after him."

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

"I'm less a role model than a cautionary tale."

'Yeah, I know your idea of heaven is to play golf all day, but all we have is shuffleboard!'

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Basketball

Basketball.

Midnight Basketball

'Billy! Set your homework aside and get down here. There's another basketball recruiter here to see you.'

'My long-range goal is to turn pro and lead the league in product endorsements.'

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

'Billy - no! Do not ask for his autograph. He'll lose his natural fear of fans, become a nuisance, and then he'll need to be tranquilized and relocated to Europe.'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

"I'm running away to join the W.N.B.A."

'He followed me home, Mom. Can I sign him to a five-year, $80-million contract?..'

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

"I'm going to shoot some hoops with members of the Flat Earth Society."

Goal!

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'He's soccer mad! Ever since he did his first sums he's wanted to be a players' agent.'

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

"We thought we could put in the details later."

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'My turn! Kick me next!!'

Penalty

'What does he know about turning a profit? He wasn't even at Woodstock!'

'I'm feeling a little remiss about missing both free throws.'

'Yes! How does if feel to be giving birth to a future kicker in professional football?'

Athletic Darwinism.