Gloom Seeker T-Shirts

"We've TRIED sun, surf , and sand. Do you have anything in the way of darkness, darkness, despair?"

ZOOM 'n' GLOOM.

Other girl's luxuries are my necessities.

School Career Choices: Celebrity chef, celebrity gardener,celebrity plumber, celebrity vet, celebrity painter & decorator. . .

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

Aim for the Stars, Settle for an Asteroid

Hooray for Bollywood!

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

'I hate to ski. But I look so cute in the outfits!'

Silver Fox

Covid Music

'Gasview Hotel' - 'Dinerview Gas' - 'Motelview Diner' - 'Hiwayview Suites'

Real Estate Personals

Fred Astaire

'This scent goes well with a diamond necklace.'

"What I mean is what do you do with yourself all day?"

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"No guarantees, right?"

"Let's go someplace else. There are no paparazzi here."

Truthfully, I'm just a frustrated insurance agent …

Kelly Mittendorf

The Depressing Economic Crisis

'Music hath charms,' &c.

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

Welcome to a Sleepy Little Town - name available on request.

"Holly and Michael were growing envious of their son's imaginary friend… Rickey and me are going to the Knicks game with Bruce Springsteen!"

'Good morning Miss...'

The real reason the Christmas Truce didn't last.

The weight of winning gold.

"Everybody's just a teensy bit in love with me. How about yourself?"

Rich Cow: 'Simon Cowell'

'I was looking for a little stronger mission statement than that.'

'What's the night life-like?

They're nice, but they lack the charm of an older home

'Well if you can't make me look like Cameron Diaz, just re-apply my lipstick and touch-up my mascara thanks.'