Globetrotter With A Knack For Packing Light Prints

'Since you're wearing cargo pants, everything in your pockets is considered cargo and subject to a tariff.'

Leaning Tower -After a bottle, Jean noticed the tower stopped leaning.

My God, I need to fart.

"It was rated on all the travel websites. 'Best economy tour'."

"Arr, we found your luggage, Captain."

"Now THAT's what I call a budget airline!"

Chief Foreign Policy Advisor to President Obama.

"On the contrary. I think the Carribbean countries have a great many education practices that are worth studying."

Notice to travelers: 'Delayed' is the New 'on time'.

"I picked this one up in France while my wife had her hip replaced."

Business traveller dreaming of home.

Australasia.

A woman knits from a globe.

"I'm deleting history so there will be nothing to study for tomorrow's history test."

"Please remember to check for any personal problems you may have left behind."

'We don't have a GPS or any maps, so this is the best I could do.'

"We have two offices throughout the world."

"Why are you cancelling your trip to Switzerland?"

"The government wants an international economy... Bosses on N.Y. salaries and everyone else on Mumbai wages."

In the wake of tourism...

'And this is the small print in your travel insurance...'

'Which vacation destination do you prefer: a country where Americans are feared, idolized, envied or hated? Or shall we just let that be a surpriese?'

Beefsteak travel, hamburger budget.

'Luggage is luggage, sir -- just try to be happy with what you've got.'

Soccer Mania

'A cruise by air, sir, is called a 'tour'.'

Thousands of customers stranded when major travel firm goes out of business.

London on £50 a meal

"My job traveled abroad, so I can't."

'We had an all-inclusive-holiday. Bad weather, lousy food, arrogant waiters, crappy hotel and outrageous prices - all that was included.'

'Yes, our cruises allow travellers to choose from several viruses...I mean, ports of call.'