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Rhinestone Accountant

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

And this is a little ditty I wrote called 'the third quarters profit and loss account' ...Colin often wished that he'd followed his first love and taken up a career as a musician

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'Bad news, fellas... it's inventory time.'

'One day son, all of this will be yours.'

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

Good Accountant/Bad Accountant.

Mary's Botox injections paid for themselves in no time.

'Have you got the accounts right yet?' - 'Yes, but I had to put in three mistakes to make them balance.'

"Fred doesn't take photos. He relives our vacation memories by viewing credit card receipts."

'So the cuts have started then?'

'I'll have 40 percent of what he's having.'

IRS, 'Sorry, but you can't count them as dependents before they hatch.'

Extreme Accounting!

"Ted wants to bring the fan back into accounting"

"I'm their accountant. Trust me - I'm the one you want to get lucky with."

'I realize that this may be carping, but I never did live long enough to enjoy my I.R.A. account.'

"If there's discrepancies in my tax returns, don't blame me. Blame the guy in the alley I paid $20 to do them."

Deep in his heart James the accountant was an artist. Sometimes when he was alone in his office, he worked the keyboard like a pianist playing the Goldberg variations.

IRS - 'You had NO earned income last year?', 'That's what my boss said.'

"I look after her tax affairs for �1,000 - she wanted �2,000 but that's all I could afford."

'But I don't want to build toys. I want to be an accountant!'

'Forget the early withdrawal penalty. What I'm taking out, I didn't put in!'

'I can't play -- I'm being audited.'

"No wonder I got it so cheap!"

'We like to put the 'fun' in 'refund'!'