Gizzard Guru Pillows

Another reason chickens cross the road: 'It's supposed to be good for the gizzard!'

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

If nobody had invented graphics

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

Candid Camera store.

'Oh Hi!'

Sale! Weed Whackers

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

Lawnmower

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

Where 'Pastor'-ized Milk Comes From...

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

The Goalkeeper

"Careful! He knows computers."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

"After a long day at the office writing business software...Bob loves to relax writing game software."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

Input From The Front Office

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

Mark Gastineau

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"