Gizzard Guru Pillows

Another reason chickens cross the road: 'It's supposed to be good for the gizzard!'

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

If nobody had invented graphics

There's no such thing as a triple carburetor bypass!

Sale! Weed Whackers

Candid Camera store.

'Oh Hi!'

'I do a lot of icing. It's part of my mellowness.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

Lawnmower

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'I think he's doing ok, the coach says he has the attention span of a goldfish.'

"Careful! He knows computers."

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Vanna White: The Later Years.

The Goalkeeper

"After a long day at the office writing business software...Bob loves to relax writing game software."

Input From The Front Office

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

Mark Gastineau

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"They play union in heaven... where do they play football?"

'Don't blame the lawyer!'