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'These days, everyone has a new gimmick.'

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Farm Humor.

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Dog in casino.

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Tequila Mockingbird

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

Cat eats date.

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

"Tee-Hee! Working like a charm!"

'It's been murder since it was announced that eyes of newt might be a cancer cure.'

'Guess who's teething?'

Animals flying kites patterned like their skins.

"This way I don't have to lug around that big bag."

"When I go, I’d like my ashes dumped on top of a squirrel’s head."

'Henry, cut that out.'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

'Pick a business card.'

'How come this sheep tastes like sugar?'

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

Bus for Giraffes.

"No, it's not a growth; It looks more like a bite.''

"What?!"

Beer Lunch

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

Under New Mismanagement

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...