Gimmick Critic Prints

This place says they have the biggest pizza slice in town...

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

Candid Camera store.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'Play post office? -- I don't like violent games.'

'Screen saver. . . or did his computer freeze again?'

Ranked Voting in N.Y.C.

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'Do we want to apply for a credit card that plays the song 'Money Makes The World Go Around' every time it is swiped?'

'My dentist recommended it.'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'

Rodin's Irish Judge

Unnatural Selection.

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

"You can come in. But don't try anything funny."

"Have you folks eaten here before, or shall I explain the concept?"

"You'll never believe what kind of bumper-to-bumper warranty this baby has."

Perpetual motion car

"I know you insisted on getting off here, but this area is for employees only. Are you sure you know where you're going?"

"Saying you're moral because you believe in God is like saying you're a soldier because you play 'Call of Duty'."

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"Looks like they're going to have a dog fight."

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'Well that's just great...you ate the kids and spoiled your dinner!'

My Year Searching For a Gimmicky Stunt to Base a Book On.

"He may be a famous artist, but I find his work too chocolate-boxy."

The referee...

Cancel Culture and Stand-Up Comedy

"I fear they're laughing with me, not at me."

Newspapers stink. Newspaper comics stink. Nobody reads them. They're old school. I read a new generation of online comics. Check out this one. It's called expletive deleted monkey. @#$% and @#$%? Expletive deleted and the @#$%? Expletive deleted in the raunchy adjective deleted house. It's a family strip. I'm going to wash out my computer with soap.

I'm not a snob in the usual sense. I don't mind if a guy is from the wrong side of the tracks, but I do mind if he's from the wrong side of the gutter. AS you know, the "gutter" is the term for the space between panels in a comic strip. ! !

…So we finally got women to stare at us…now what?... E. A. N. B. Q. R. T. L.

"I can't stand microwave managers."