Gill Guardian Pillows

'Have you noticed that Harry has a twitch and is as mad as a haddock? Do you suppose it's mercury poisoning?'

"Don't look now. I think we've got company."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

It is essential not to overcrowd a tank as this can cause serious problems...

"I have to refill it everyday. He has a tendency to retain water."

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

"I don't do windows."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"Look, it's my word balloon."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

"It's a recipe called no-cook fish chowder."

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

'You see, we don't have any children, so he's kind of our baby.'

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

Overeaters anonymous meeting today at 5:00.

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

Guide fish.

"Stop complaining. At least I have parents!"

'We'll have him back on his feet and under yours in no time!'

'So what have you been up to?'

"Sure I used drugs when I was your age, but they were all prescribed for acne."