Getting A Job Pillows

"Lives in the basement and has yet to bring home a dime."

'Aah! I didn't see you come in Mr. Brown - well done! You can start Monday!'

"Mom, I got the job!"

'Heyyy, you're hired! Want a peanut?'

Son hacks into computer to get a job

"Okay! I know! I'm proud that you have a job and you've set a goal to spend all your money...on a nice lowrider car."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

The Rubber Ball Company

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Now then - I just wanted to see how you handle pressure, Mr. Boyle.'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

Good Luck!

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

How are you at decision making?

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'