Geriatric Goodwill Ambassador Pillows

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

"Your contents have shifted."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

"Are you OK hun?"

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

Coronavirus Global Alert

'Not only does he suffer from anxiety, he makes everyone else suffer from it too.'

I have to get the Positive Thinker...

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"But why can't I bring him to class? He's my therapy toad!"

"Our medical benefits are quite limited, basically we send you a memo telling you to take more exercise."

Sputnik V

AstraZeneca Vaccine vs Sputnik V

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

"Kind words help the dairy cow produce good milk. They go in one ear and out the udder."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"I come from the future."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

A senior moment.

'Doctor, how can I prevent wrinkles? Don't sleep in your clothes.'

"We love populists."

"I volunteer for the Samaritans. I tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it."

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who has the best facelift of them all?

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

Don't laugh - when you get old, your neck will get saggy, too.

Airplane dropping vaccines.

'Of course I'll love you when you 'go grey'... Why shouldn't I... I've loved you through six other shades!'

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

New Ebola deaths in Sierra Leone

"When I was your age I would have snagged that before it hit the ground."