General Practitioner Pillows

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."

"The ringing in your ears-I think I can help."

"You should relax less."

"All these years, and you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said, have you?"

"First, do no harm. After that, go nuts."

"Now that's the kind of positive attitude I'm really going to miss."

"I have to ask you a few questions. I've written a screenplay. Would you read it?"

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"Whoa – way too much information."

Scottish Urology

"Time to take my horse pills!"

I've already got a diagnosis from homedoc.com, but I thought I'd see you for a second opinion!

'The Doctor will see you now. Here's your medical jargon dictionary.'

'There are some things they don't teach you in medical school. I think you've got one of those things.'

'...Okay, just a few more items to add to your EHR. I appreciate your patience...'

'But if we didn't measure things we wouldn't know how good we were at measuring the things that we're measuring.'

GP pay award wheel.

'I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead but I came in for a second opinion.'

"This is a second opinion. At first, I thought you had something else."

Electronic records will prolong consultations...

'The good news is that it's not my problem.'

Medical Examinations.

'Good news, when we transferred your medical history to our digital system, it suddenly became legible.'

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"Well my records are factually CORRECT...but where's the PASSION, the MYSTERY, THE REAL ME!..." Electronic records will prolong consultations

'Take two aspirins and stick your head in the sand.'

Doctor to man: 'Now that's what I call a bum knee.'

"You have a condition whose name is very hard to remember."

'I'm afraid there's not much I can do for you now. You should've come in sooner, before you got sick.'

'We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities.'

"The Pain may be due to your Yin and Yang being out of alignment, but humour me and lets see if your broken let is part of the problem."

'The patient will see you now,Doctor!'

Stress on GPs

"I'm sorry, Dr. Etheridge is an epidemiologist, not a general practitioners. But maybe if you get a group together, he would see you."

'You're not listening to what you're hearing.'