Gastronomic Zen Master T-Shirts

"First you make a roux."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Counting ribs

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

French wine

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

"Can you romance me after my tiramisu?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

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"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

Gramma's Tators & Gravy...All You Can Eat!

Cheese

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

"It comes with a small Greek salad."