Gastronomic Enthusiast Prints

Now I can afford anything on the menu, I can't digest anything on the menu.

Come dine with me!

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

Try to guess the continent dining...

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'You realize we're only having three people over...'

Before/After

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Man with 'Real Ale' written on t-shirt, woman with 'Real Pine' written on rolling pin

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Party time.

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

Baker Romance

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"